The Marvelous Meryl Streep

Since my obsession began with the cinema in the early 90's by spending many (THE) HOURS in an EVENING at home watching RENDITIONs of films, I thought I knew PLENTY but I have really ever known ONE TRUE THING. THE MUSIC IN MY HEART has told me that there is one PRIME actress working the cinema today. Her name is Mary Louise Streep.

I once remarked "What can't Meryl Streep do" to which my compatriot replied "...SUCK" and never has a phrase been uttered that has rung more truth in my eyes and in my heart.

On that note it is time for my Top Ten Meryl Streep performances list.


10. Mamma Mia! - The movie is not great. But it doesn't pretend to be! It is an ABBA musical for Chiquitita sake, however if there is one actress that can bring truth and emotional depth to the song The Winner Takes it All, it is La Streep. And as my facebook status suggested on the film's opening day, when Meryl Streep does a canon ball all is right in the world.
9. The River Wild - Again what can't Meryl Streep do. She can sing, do any accent, and speak multiple languages. In this 94 "classic" she also proves she can lead a fierce white water rafting trip and off Kevin Bacon pretty easily. Can you do that?
8. Kramer vs. Kramer - Oscar nom # 2 and Oscar win #1 came for this weepy flick about a mother abandoning her son and father subsequently raising him. The earliest indication of Wow this bitch can really act in in this flick. And if you're going to be abandoned by your mother, it's best that that mother is played by Meryl Streep.
7. The Simpsons - M.S. voices mischievous Jessica Lovejoy, the reverend's daughter. Again La Streep proves her talent and her sense of humor by playing the teenage cock tease. Jessica also gave me the most classic way to get out of awkward small talk. One simply utters the sentence "I have to go over here now" and you simply turn and face the other way. It works every time.
6. The Bridges of Madison County - Wouldn't we all just love to have a weekend away from our husbands and kids and have a passionate romp with a National Geographic/Bridge Loving photog? My ideal weekend would involve a weekend away from sobriety and heterosexuality with a passionate romp through a box of mint Oreos. But that's just me. Streep is incredible in this movie. Should she open the car door and get out? She will literally break your heart during that scene.
5. Adaptation - At 53 years old Streep decides to play an author who falls in love with a toothless Floridian orchid thief and subsequently poses for his porn site and does a lot of drugs with him. This movie is all about the dial tone scene. Seriously if I ever find a toothless guy who I can create a pitch perfect dial tone with, it will be a good day in Yerxaland!
4. Angels in America - Meryl Streep plays a 90 year old rabbi, a communist ghost (a ComBOOnist if you will), and a Mormon mother. This is for sure the most amazing multiple performance since Norbit. She is beyond brilliant in this. The Angel in America is Meryl fucking Streep.
3. The Devil Wears - Miranda Priestly is one of my most favorite things ever to be captured on film. She's up there with "All The Way" Mae from A League of Their Own, Princess Gisele from Enchanted and of course Miss Teen South Carolina. I personally believe that Meryl Streep is superhuman in this role. Her speech about cerulean is better than Hamlet's To Be or Not to Be. Take that Shakespeare!
2. She Devil - Of course many Streep purists may take issue with the fact that I am forgetting classics such as A Cry in the Dark, The Deer Hunter, Out of Africa (I've never seen it and I am sure it's not a yawner) and Silkwood. While others like to measure performances in emotional depth and believability, I like to measure a performance by sheer ridiculousness. How can one not adore Meryl Streep as romance novelist Mary Fisher, who falls in love with sexy Ed Begley Jr. and has her life destroyed by Roseanne of Roseanne fame. When Streep reels off such classic lines as "Would somebody get the goddamn door" to "You're a bastard" it brings joy to my life and Bambi and butterflies to my heart. Fuck South African Accents, dingos eating babies and wars and stuff. Meryl Streep pouring bleach into an entire load of colored laundry in an attempt to be domestic get my vote every time.
1. Sophie's Choice- The best performance ever captured on screen. This is true without one question of doubt in my mind. Nothing else needs to be said!

Oscar Wild aught 8

I like fall. I love jack-o-lanterns. I love games of touch football on crisp autumn days. I love pumpkin pies. Okay I love eating an entire pumpkin pie in one sitting with a spoon and then wearing an over sized Autumnal colored sweater to hide my bloated man gunt. Viva Thanksgiving!

I also love this time of year because movies baiting for Oscars are released on an almost weekly basis. Some became major front runners (Rachel Getting Married) and some go belly up in the water (Blindness).

Here are my first 08 predictions:
Best Picture

Revolutionary Road
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slumdog Millionaire
Doubt
Milk

Best Director

Sam Mendes Revolutionary Road
David Fincher The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Danny Boyle Slumdog Millionaire
Clint Eastwood Changeling
Gus Van Sant Milk
Best Actor

Leonardo Dicaprio Revolutionary Road
Mickey Rourke The Wrestler
Frank Langella Frost/Nixon
Brad Pitt The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Sean Penn Milk
Best Actress

Anne Hathaway Rachel Getting Married
Sally Hawkins Happy Go Lucky
Meryl Streep Doubt
Kate Winslet Revolutionary Road
Kristin Scott Thomas I’ve Loved You a Long Time
Best Supporting Actor

Josh Brolin Milk
Philip Seymour Hoffman Doubt
Heath Ledger The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon Revolutionary Road
John Malkovich Changeling
Best Supporting Actress

Taraji J. Henson The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Penelope Cruz Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis Doubt
Debra Winger Rachel Getting Married
Marisa Tomei The Wrestler

So Clay Aiken is gay...

Last week the world was stunned by the news that one Clay Aiken is gay. Especially the Claymates all over the US who couldn't quite deal with fact that their boy kisses boy... and likes it. Claymates, who are typically housewives from the red states are my favorite people in the world. They are usually the most interesting people to talk to and one is able to cover such fascinating topics as diaper brands, snacks for school lunches, grocery coupons, and church bake sale fudge.

These are some of the best quotes uttered by the Ivy League educated, wordly and highly cultured Clay supporters:

“This is a gut wrenching day for The ClayNation. Somebody wake me up, I hope its a dream.”

"This will be it for me. I cannot continue to support him financially now that I know he has chosen this lifestyle."

"[The People cover] Reeks of photoshop to me. We can probably even find the picture of Clay's head from a recent fan photo if we look hard enough. Believe if you want, I just know that nothing is true unless it is printed in the fan club..."

I encourage these women to continue to live lives completely rooted in reality and that includes of course continuing to give a fuck about a guy who was on American Idol half a decade ago! I am sure it's just not possible for you to accomplish more at your child's PTA meeting or volunteering in your community than you can on aikenforums.com. And of course your extremely advanced intelligence continually leads you right to your computer to make McCain-like advances in Clay Aiken button making.

Since I, like these completely level-headed Claymates, was shocked at the annoncement that Clay was gay I thought I would also make note of famous gays whose declarations of "Yes I'm Gay" made that water under my bridge even more toubled.

Rudy Galindo - A figure skater who skated while wearing an oversized AIDS ribbon. I was completely in the dark. Boy George - Did his arrest for falsely imprisoning a man in his home make him look gay? Not in my books.Bruce Vilanch - I never got what the hilarious graphic tshirt "I Can't Even Think Straight" meant. I guess I just spent too much time on Claymaniacs message board.Divine - Those damned eyebrows just looked so natural.Mike Yerxa - Didn't most 9 year old New Brunswick boys like to play Tony Awards instead of hockey?Supertwink - His utility belt of butt plugs, dildos, anal beeds, and rubber fists made it very ambiguous to me. His name Supertwink also made things seriously unclear, as did that dick in his mouth.So to all those Claymates who were shocked by Clay Aiken's sudden announcement that he's a 'mo. I was too. But the fact that he's gay is the same as the fact that you're pathetic. Just deal.