Last week the world was stunned by the news that one Clay Aiken is gay. Especially the Claymates all over the US who couldn't quite deal with fact that their boy kisses boy... and likes it. Claymates, who are typically housewives from the red states are my favorite people in the world. They are usually the most interesting people to talk to and one is able to cover such fascinating topics as diaper brands, snacks for school lunches, grocery coupons, and church bake sale fudge.
These are some of the best quotes uttered by the Ivy League educated, wordly and highly cultured Clay supporters:
“This is a gut wrenching day for The ClayNation. Somebody wake me up, I hope its a dream.”
"This will be it for me. I cannot continue to support him financially now that I know he has chosen this lifestyle."
"[The People cover] Reeks of photoshop to me. We can probably even find the picture of Clay's head from a recent fan photo if we look hard enough. Believe if you want, I just know that nothing is true unless it is printed in the fan club..."
I encourage these women to continue to live lives completely rooted in reality and that includes of course continuing to give a fuck about a guy who was on American Idol half a decade ago! I am sure it's just not possible for you to accomplish more at your child's PTA meeting or volunteering in your community than you can on aikenforums.com. And of course your extremely advanced intelligence continually leads you right to your computer to make McCain-like advances in Clay Aiken button making.
Since I, like these completely level-headed Claymates, was shocked at the annoncement that Clay was gay I thought I would also make note of famous gays whose declarations of "Yes I'm Gay" made that water under my bridge even more toubled.
Rudy Galindo - A figure skater who skated while wearing an oversized AIDS ribbon. I was completely in the dark.
Boy George - Did his arrest for falsely imprisoning a man in his home make him look gay? Not in my books.
Bruce Vilanch - I never got what the hilarious graphic tshirt "I Can't Even Think Straight" meant. I guess I just spent too much time on Claymaniacs message board.
Divine - Those damned eyebrows just looked so natural.
Mike Yerxa - Didn't most 9 year old New Brunswick boys like to play Tony Awards instead of hockey?
Supertwink - His utility belt of butt plugs, dildos, anal beeds, and rubber fists made it very ambiguous to me. His name Supertwink also made things seriously unclear, as did that dick in his mouth.
So to all those Claymates who were shocked by Clay Aiken's sudden announcement that he's a 'mo. I was too. But the fact that he's gay is the same as the fact that you're pathetic. Just deal.
No comments:
Post a Comment